In a man’s life he sees, hears, tastes, smells and feels different things. That way, he learns. In the pursuit of knowledge, we often need to make some experiments and not most people are willing to be guinea pigs. There are times when you are your only test subject.
For all my life, I have been in search for perfection. Perfection meaning to be virtuous and good but in the right quantities. In my search for perfection and balance, the scales continue tipping in their indecisiveness leaving me with uncertainty about the right path.
Buddhism speaks of the middle way: not too much and not too little, just right. But what is just right? I hope I find out before I get sick.
Why must we always drag people into our own little personal battles. Must we always claim we have a battalion when all we really have is one mere soldier? What are the benefits of doing that anyway? The overconfidence makes you careless and the exaggeration makes your enemy prepared. Oh well…
I will not call myself a writer for a writer writes. My thoughts are merely cramped up inside my big head with the occasional steaming out of unnecessary hot air. If I do write, will anyone understand what I am trying to say? One cannot be sure in today’s superficial world but I can’t be sure at all if I don’t even try.
“The worst feeling is not death but feeling that you don’t even exist.” That was a quote from one of my nameless imaginary characters. I believe that he is right. Death is the state of thoughtlessness where one does not feel and therefore, does not learn. That is my definition of death. When the heart stops beating and the body decays, the person is not completely dead for imprints of his thoughts and memories are preserved through the people the s/he touched during his lifetime. But when I person does not exist, her/his thoughts will not matter for others will think that s/he has none to share (or even if there is a s/he to share thoughts with).
“Those stars have long been dead yet there light still shines upon us.” a supporting statement to the last paragraph. Did you know that the stars we see in the night sky are merely the leftover light that traveled to the Earth a billion years ago. Once the star giving of the light dies, the light will also fade away…but it will take some time. Just like people. When they die, they will still be in our lives lighting our dark sky to show the way.
My fear: not knowing myself and forgetting who I am. That’s why I try to get acquainted with myself every little bit I can.
“Never forget the past. Live for the present. Dream of the future.”
Thank you for taking the time to read the rants and thoughts of an ordinary Filipino teenage girl who should be doing her homework right now.
